Camping: The De-evolution of The Human Race
Winning speech, 2005-2006 Club Humourous Speech Contest
Winning speech, 2005-2006 Area 71 Humourous Speech Contest
By Brad Zaytsoff
Good evening fellow Toastmasters, welcome guests, and most brilliant impartial judges.
In my speech this evening I posit the argument that the popular past-time, camping, is not a wholesome and healthy leisure pursuit, but an act that stymies maturation, is counter-evolutionary and a slap in the face to those who have provided us with the innovations that have helped humankind move beyond the dark ages.
Humans are an innovative species. We have made many discoveries which have shaped and improved the way we live today, 5 of which I will elaborate on here.
Now, to build upon this, man has taken these discoveries and created the home - a place where all these comforts converge. A place where one can sit and be warmed by fire, have a drink cart wheeled out to them, where beer, that was purchased with money, and kept cold by electricity, can be drunk while watching a hockey game on cable television? Isn't this nice - I think so.
So why, when man has strived to create such perfection - when he has evolved beyond bashing dinner on the head only to eat it raw, does he choose - I repeat - choose to leave his comforts only to be sitting outside, cold, with warm beer, and no hockey?
This, my fellow Toastmasters, guests and brilliant judges, is camping.
These campers, or masochists, purposely set out to make themselves as uncomfortable as possible. They physically remove themselves from a safe, warm, environment (that had cable television), to be amongst bloodsucking insects and large, carnivorous, animals. Just within the realm of parks BC there are 11,075, mosquito rich, campsites and 2,767 kilometers of torturous hiking trails. From these numbers, you can see that this, ascetic, movement is strong.
Now why is this a problem? There are many reasons, though due to time constraints, I will limit myself to three.
- There is no electricity to run cable television
- money does no good (try to buy some berries from a grizzly)
- wheels - no, heavy items are transported on the back, making one unstable and top-heavy (which the grizzly thinks is just fine)
- finally, due to the current campfire ban, even fire is lost in this folly.
To conclude - It is generally accepted (and by that I mean I read it somewhere on the Internet) that "evolution" is the process by which an organism becomes more sophisticated over time. Camping? More sophisticated? Certainly not.
So why is it, that I keep going?